12. Keeping in Touch

When you’ve settled in at school, staying connected with loved ones at home remains a concern. For some people the distance may actually be a blessing, a great opportunity to break free from childhood struggles. For me, this is not the case. I have parents who love me, little sisters who are great, and some of the best friends a guy could ask for. My entire life I’ve lived in the same house, on the same road, in the same school district. Eighteen years is a heck of a long time to get comfortable in a place... especially a place that treats you well.

And we all know that while familiar surroundings are comforting, what really makes a “place” so great is not the place itself, but the family and friends who live there. It was sad having to leave all my loved ones knowing I probably wouldn’t have time to sit and write letters or decent emails or even make serious phone calls. Keeping track of people can be difficult, especially when classes and other activities are at weird times and distractions constantly surround you.

Despite all this, relatives and family friends from home reminded me I was in their thoughts with a veritable deluge of mail. That’s right, I said deluge. During the first several weeks, I must’ve received nearly a metric ton of letters and cards with words of love and encouragement. And throughout not just my first semester but also those that have followed, holidays are brighter because people back home take time to let me know I’m not forgotten.

Furthermore, day-to-day small talk from school back to home and with friends at different Universities is no problem. When properly motivated, I can give someone a quick call with one of the phone cards I’ve gotten as gifts. But, I sort of hate using the telephone, so I save those for rare occasions. The real technological gift that I take advantage of is a little something Generation Y (I think that’s us) likes to call instant messaging. Using software so simple my parents can understand it, I can type back and forth with anyone who has internet service and a free account.

Because all my friends are on school networks at their respective universities, it’s easy keeping track of them. And although our access at home is so slow I want to cry, it works well enough that my sisters or parents can talk to me online every day. Even kids in the handful of underclassmen I talk to from high school are available to check in with from time to time.

I am always plugged in to the University’s high-speed connection, which allows for reliable internet access and makes everything online faster than ever. At home my internet time was limited since there was only one phone line in my house, but at school my roommate and I can both surf and chat all day without rendering our phone unavailable. All of this is very convenient …and very addictive.

While the ability to stay in touch for free is truly a blessing, it’s one that comes with limitations. Being able to talk to two or three people at any time throughout the day can be a burden on my schedule. More than a few times I’ve shot several hours of an afternoon talking to people about nothing in particular, when I signed on intending only to say hi or ask someone a quick question. With a hundred or so people in my buddy list, it’s easy to start several “quick” conversations and forget that I’ve got three chapters of something or another to read for class.

For someone in two honors classes and evil, dirty calculus, this is not the best way to spend my time. The lesson I’ve kinda learned is that no matter how much you care about people and no matter how hilarious they are, you can’t sit and talk for hours every day. Keep tabs on people, say hello from time to time, sure... but don’t lose track of everything else. Besides, typing on the computer is no great form of communication anyway.

Staying connected with people takes more than talking online– even if you do so daily – and while I would love to visit some of my friends at school, crazy schedules at both ends tend to prevent this. There is always homework or something more important to do over the weekend, not to mention I haven’t got a car here at school.

Finally, at the end of first semester, I found an opportunity for friends to visit me at school that worked with everyone’s schedule! I was last to finish school before Christmas break, and for half a week everyone else had been sitting at home. Sadly this week was University finals, which meant nothing exciting was going on here, but I had a break between tests and it was a now-or-never deal. I knew I wouldn’t study for two whole days and my friends were probably more bored at home than they would be taking a road trip, so I decided to have them visit.

We couldn’t have asked for better weather, considering that winter was closing in. Although I did bore everyone awhile with my inability to catch anyone at home (they must have thought my new friends were imaginary), the afternoon was a great one. I gave seven of my close friends a short tour of campus, took them to my favorite restaurant, and at last introduced them to the best friends I’d made since coming to school. We walked in the nature reserve behind my dorm, watched the sunset from atop a cliff, and of course had a good time making fun of each other.

I fell asleep that night happy to have had one of my best days since I’d come to school. Old friends, new friends, and life-shortening but delicious food – how much more could a guy ask for? It seemed weird making such an effort to hang out with people who for years were always just there, but the prize was worth the effort.

Developing deep bonds takes awhile – especially for guys, who aren’t big on talking about touchy-feely things. You might think I’m an exception, being some kind of “writer” and all. Um, I definitely am not. Only so many times in your life will you know people as well as you know your high school friends. If you are headed for school and have old friendships you want to maintain, be intentional about doing so.